A long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, there lived a terrible beast. The creature was tall and sinewy, wielding razor sharp claws. It had the agility of a spider monkey, but the stealth of a drunken rhinoceros. The fiend was blessed with piercing blue eyes and silky hair, no doubt a result of fine breeding… but perhaps the most notable features were its incredibly thick, seemingly impenetrable skull, and constant defensive stance. The creature was the American Inobut (pronounced eye-know-butt).
Over my short time as a parent, I’ve noticed something. Parenting is hard. Add in just a dusting of real life problems, and all the sudden it can seem impossible. So if you have younger kids, and you’re struggling, I hope this strikes a chord somewhere.
The work day came to a close. I shut down my PC and started mentally switching from software developer mode, to husband and parent mode.
There comes a day in every child’s life that they must face their fears. For Special K, today is that day.
Several months ago…
The excitement in the air was palpable as Special K suited up in her brand new swimwear. She donned her pink swim cap and reflective goggles, which would surely shave seconds off her time, and she was ready to hop into… the car.
Many years ago there lived a man, we’ll call him Jake. Now Jake was blessed with many children. One of his sons, Joe, was born very late in Jake’s life. As a result, just like many baby’s of the family, Joe was a bit spoiled.
For Joe, this was awesome. It meant a TV in his room, all the latest GameStation games, and qPod devices... not to mention the latest designer threads. However, what he didn’t realize was that his siblings despised him because of his special treatment.
It seems that my worst fears have been realized. I’ve been told that the first step in the healing process is admitting that you have a problem. So I admit to you now, that I’m becoming a Brony.
What, you may ask, is a Brony? Well... if you take a trip through the neckbeard infested nether regions of the internet, you will find out that a Brony is the name given to male fans of the popular animated series know as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, which primarily targets prepubescent girls.
Ah... back to school time. It’s that time of year that either pulls at the heartstrings, or has parents jumping for joy. Whether you’re sending Timmy to a world filled with dioramas or dorm rooms, there’s no denying the electricity in the air as summer comes to an end.
Kids are the ultimate trolls. Unfortunately, I don’t mean the mythical beings rooted in Norse mythology. If that were the case, at least they could be dealt with accordingly, like drawing them out into the sunlight and rendering them harmless. However, they are the type of troll that speaks or acts with the primary intent of provoking an emotional response or otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.
This may seem harsh, but I’m not just talking about my kids... it’s all kids, every last one of them. Here are just a few reasons why:
Perhaps it’s genetic, maybe all the kids are doing it, or maybe the squishy warmness of a lumpy loaf of nastiness nestled between her butt cheeks is somehow comforting... who knows. All I know is, it’s just plain gross!
There comes a time in every child’s life, that they come across a user. No, I’m not talking about someone on “the drugs,” or a junkie of some kind, but rather a person who takes advantage of the kindness of precious little Timmy. The User exudes faux friendship, saying things like “heeeey, you wanna play” all the while trying to hide the deep dark secret that he just wants to play with Timmy’s wonder magical toy 5000. So what is little Timmy to do? Should he just ignore The User, and risk becoming a social outcast? Or should he play along, after all, it can’t be that bad.