Children Say The Weirdest Things

Seems like all the hip kids are into mashups (for those old fogies out there reading, it's the combining of 2 things), whether it be google maps plus the swine flu, or Jay-Z and The Beatles. I am convinced that the three year old is in love with a new type of mashup... a linguistic mashup. She says some crazy stuff that could only make sense if she's combining things heard over time. Unfortunately for us, the parents, these things usually tend to be dirty. The next two examples will show exactly how great a mashup artist she is, or how terrible a parent I am… I haven't decided yet.

From time to time my wife likes to be gangsta, and as she leaves she'll shout "peace out homies" and flash some signs. Couple my wife's inner thug with the fact that I've slipped up and said the word "homo" around the three year old, and you can begin to picture what the disastrous results could be.

My wife had a ladies night at our house. The women sat around doing womanly stuff like having pillow fights, playing truth or dare, and talking about boys. You can imagine that with all the excitement the three year old didn't want to go to sleep. Well… eventually the night came to a close, and it was time to wish everyone a fond farewell. My wife, trying to make the three year old into a mini thug, told her to tell the ladies "peace out homies." However, what came out of my daughters' mouth was something entirely different. Trying to be as cordial as possible, she wished everyone goodnight by telling them "peace out homos."

DISCLAIMER: Although my family doesn't agree with the lifestyle, we do not hate homosexuals. That said, if you feel the need to send hate mail, please at least subscribe to blog. That way you can keep tabs on me and make sure this kind of language never occurs again on this site.

It's no secret that kids love exploring their bodies. Every day is a new adventure. For the little one, this means toes to chew on, ears to pull, and thumbs to suck. But then they grow and all of the sudden there's a belly button to play with, boogers to pick, and nipples to poke. This mashup comes from some explanation of anatomy, as well as family dinner.

For the longest time, my daughter thought that nipples were moles. After dancing around the issue for a while, I figured there was no delicate way to explain what the "moles" really were. Eventually I just told her that those were definitely not moles, and were in fact nipples. Then, as with any toddler, there are days when the three year old just doesn't want to eat her supper. She is told something to the effect of, "eat all your dinner up, or no desert." I don't think I even have to write what came next, but I will.

My wife and I were sitting around one night when my daughter approached. What she said next was disturbing on so many levels… she said "eat my nipples up." I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or cry. All we could do was sit there in shock wondering where her mind comes up with this stuff!