Stop Feeding The Monster


don't feed your family to the monster

There is a monster that prowls around your house, waiting to rear its ugly head. This monster is hungry. What will you choose to feed it? Keep one thing in mind, the monster thrives on negative energy, and with each bit of positive energy that it consumes, it grows weaker.

The monster grows stronger

Unbeknownst to you, your job is in cahoots with the monster. Little by little throughout the day your job is slow roasting a feast for the monster. First, the printer displays a 'PC LOAD LETTER' error (simmer, simmer). Then you realize that you've forgotten to email the documents you promised would be delivered today (the meal is almost ready now). Finally, your computer crashes and voila, dinner is served. The monster is grateful for the hearty nourishment, and is one step closer to devouring your family.

Little did you know that the monster has also outsourced cooking to his minions (your children). First, the toddler wakes up demanding oatmeal that contains 23.6 raisins, 3.3 sprinkles of cinnamon, and can only be eaten with a Hello Kitty spoon (simmer, simmer). Then, after getting the oatmeal just right, you go to check on the baby, only to discover that the baby's diaper is nowhere to be found. However you do find a perfectly round pee stain on the newly washed crib sheets (the meal is almost ready now). After lifting the baby up, revealing a hidden treasure in the form of a poop nugget, you lose it, and voila, breakfast is served!

It's feeding time!

The monster is now as strong as ever, and starts picking off your family members. Poor innocent grandma who lives in the basement is unaware of the monster. She can't seem to find her dentures today so… you Fixodent, and forget them, right to her forehead. She'll never lose those again! Then kind Uncle Remus drops by for a visit, only to be reamed by you for feeding the kids sugar! Before you know it, the monster has consumed your entire family.

Fear Not! You can slay the monster!

Over the coming weeks, I will explore some ways to kill, or at least starve the negativity monster. The first thing I will be talking about is what I like to call the 'art of misdirection.'

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photo courtesy of nellee100

Comments

Just wait till the monster has friends! You will all of a sudden find new ways of saying NO MORE!

In our case its when the child wants to feed himself, because I obviously am not doing it right or fast enough. That monster is tricky!

Ah yes, the classic child knowing better than the parents. That's always irritating... I guess it's just payback for the headaches I caused as a wee lad.

I like to feed the monster on an "all you can eat basis" - with the hope that he will get so comfortable that he loses his aggressive edge and becomes less effective.

Or maybe that is me!

That's an interesting approach, I hadn't thought of that one. Maybe I'll try it out, however, I think my wife would try to make the monster eat more healthy... or maybe me.

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