Top 5 Things Your Daughter Should Do With Her Boogers
Boogers… we all have them, and we all have various ways of dealing with them. Here are the top 5 things that your daughter should do with her boogers:
- Eat them - They make a tasty bedtime snack, and therefore eliminate the cries of "I'm hungry" coming from the bedroom late at night.
- Pick them - If the girl is just "one of the boys," the boys won't feel the need to date her, therefore eliminating the need to purchase a shotgun and rocking chair for the front porch.
- Don't pick or eat them - Come to think of it, if the girl wants to get married someday, she had better ignore reasons 1 and 2. Otherwise, she may attract the wrong members of the gene pool.
- Wipe them on her siblings - There is no better way to regain control of personal space than wiping a big boogey on someone. Nothing says "I don't want you around" quite like slimy green goo on your shirt.
- Learn the farmer blow - For purely practical purposes, everyone should know how to farmer blow. There are bound to be times when a girl finds herself without a tissue, and needs to get some snot out of her nose. It's either that, or risk getting a nasty sinus infection
I know what you're thinking, only 5 reasons? This list is lame! But realize this, there just aren't that many things that girls should be doing with boogers! Maybe someday I'll make the same list for boys, then I can add in things like collecting, staring at, flicking, etc.
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photo courtesy of Awesome Joolie
Hey,
What about number six:
6. Keep all boogers in a big tin, then in and around Father's day, mould said boogers into a lovely desk tidy, for father to keep as a conversation piece on his desk at work.
Nice post
Mark
I first read your comment at work, and almost vomited! But then I laughed at the thought of a giant booger sculpture.
When I was a kid, I knew someone in my class that ate his boogers. It followed him to senior year graduation.
So I protest, please don't let your child eat their boogers..
LOL
I try to discourage it as much as possible. I don't want either of my daughters known as the cootie queen.
Hilarious.
I gotta tell you, I was pleased to see that "stick it under the couch cushion" didn't make the list.
I'm hoping my two sons don't include that one in their repertoire either.
Happy Fatherhood Friday!
hmmmm, I better go check under my couch cushions now.
I literally cringed at the farmer's blow...
That is a very important skill I think everyone should have!
I couldn't stop laughing with the farmer's blow. An important skill that I have done more than once.
Yeah, I really should have put the farmer blow #1. It is very important.
I've been holding on to this bit of gross information for years with no venue or forum in which to release it. Finally, an means to share.
20 or so years ago I worked with a couple of individuals who were grosser than anyone could imagine. In the bathroom stall at work they created a masterpiece (I'm being generous) they called the booger wall. It was their version of art which they contributed daily. The buildup over the years was "spectacular". There were swirls and shapes and even different colors. From time to time the shutting of the door to the bathroom stall would jar the walls enough to dislodge a chunk of the creation and send it crashing to the floor. This never deterred our intrepid artists. It was a way to refresh the crusty canvas.
I'm sure others secretly added to the nasal graffiti while sitting in the stall, but never admitted to it.
It is my fervent wish that your daughters never find men with this much "creativity" and talent.
Thank you for the opportunity to release this disgusting memory and unleashing it into the blogosphere where it will possibly gain some urban legend status.
That is disgusting! I'm glad you were able to get that out. I have to go puke now.
Dang, that certainly brought back the memories...I had many brothers...and yeah, it was an issue (with no tissue)...
Loved it! Great post!
An issue with no tissue. That sounds like a good product slogan. Maybe for some official farmer blow literature, or something.
If boogers really would save me from having to buy a shotgun, I'd be willing to let her do it and take my chances that I could break her of that habit when it's time for her to get married.
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