You're going to ___________ and you're going to like it!
There have been times in the past when I have grown frustrated with my children... particularly the older one. One could say that I have been curt, gruff, and insensitive. Take what I like to call the "bike riding incidents" for example. They started out well enough, but always ended in me saying something like, "I'm not carrying your bike home, if you want it, you can ride it... or else we'll leave it in the park for someone else to enjoy." While reflecting on my parenting tactics, I had a hard time figuring out why my approach didn't work. Doesn't everyone like their stuff given away, especially when they're frustrated?
As a result of the biking, and other incidents, I've turned over a new leaf. No longer is it, "You're going to ride your bike, and you're going to like it!" or "You're going to throw the ball around, and you're going to like it!" Instead, I've decided to be supportive and say comforting things like, "If you desire to take a ride on a bicycle, I sincerely believe that you will receive enjoyment out of the experience." and "If you catch a baseball in your glove, there is no doubt in my mind that you will feel a sense of accomplishment and wish to continue playing catch."
Lucky for me, an opportunity soon arose to test out my plan. We live relatively close to a few outdoor ice skating rinks, which sounded like a fun family activity... and something new for Princess P to try out. We got to the rink and laced up. Princess P was getting used to walking on her skates and was ready to go, so we hit the ice. All was well in the world. I was being nice, gently coaxing Princess P into holding onto just one of my hands while I attempted to scoot her around the rink. Then it happened.
It was as if an invisible switch flipped in her head. Instantly she wanted to leave. She clutched onto my arm with a death grip, and pleaded for me to get her off the ice and back home. Up to that point, she hadn't even fallen on the ice, and I was being as kind and reassuring as can be. So what gives? Apparently when I'm mean, I don't get results, and when I'm nice... still no results. The man in me needs to fix this issue, so I'd like to pose a question.
How do you get your kids to willingly try new things?
photo courtesy of miskan
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Oh, jeez, Man! Things like this make me feel not so lonely in the world. My youngest son will follow through on everything; I ask him if he'd like to ride his bike? He does it without complaint. He says he'd like to learn to Juggle? He does it till I get tired of watching him :-) Oh, but my older son? yeah, he's a complete pain in my ass -- and I love him for it. He's flighty and inconsistent. He's a genuine quitter and he complains about everything. He reminds me a lot of Calvin (as in Hobbes). There's nothing I can do to get him to budge once he's decided to quit. But, my tact with him is to allow him to fail and watch his brother excel. Once it becomes a competition he'll come back of his own free will. For his personality type, it has to be a competition. That's about how it works. And, his brother doesn't even care because he's always in his own world anyway. He's completely unaware that his older brother is trying to win at something :-)
This gives me a weird sort of hope. I can totally see this happening with my daughters. The younger, although still just a babe at 1 yr old seems to be up for more than her older sister.
Hah, this brings back memories, my dad tried the same tactic. It ended up the same way you mentioned but he must not have been as charitable as he would threaten to throw the bike away.
Hi, I sympathise with you. I have tried a number of different ways to get my children to try new things, with varying degrees of success. These are my suggestions.
1. Sibling Rivalry – As already suggested getting a child to try something new by saying that their brother/sister does it better than them is usually a good motivator.
2. Hero Worship – Similar to no.1 but instead point out that child’s friends and people they admire do this thing and don’t they want to be like them?
3. Bribery – Sometimes offering a small, simple reward for trying something is tempting enough. It doesn’t even have to be a physical reward, you could try saying something like ‘everyone will be very proud of you if you do this’.
4. Patience – If all else fails then just let them watch others do it and wait until they eventually decide that they are missing out and want to join in.
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