health

Not the on their death bed, in the hospital type of sick, but just a little sick.

More lethargic = less screaming

When kids are sick (at least toddlers) they are more lethargic. Maybe it's the 'kid friendly' drugs pumping through their veins, or maybe it's just a side effect of being sick. Either way, when a child is feeling less than chipper, the screaming subsides to a dull roar. This makes life much more tolerable at home for the adults. At least now I know that if the kids are driving us nuts and we're about to lose it, I can send the kids to the basement to sniff the toxic mold underneath the stairs. Give it a few days and bam, you're good to go.

Boogers… we all have them, and we all have various ways of dealing with them. Here are the top 5 things that your daughter should do with her boogers:

1. Eat them - They make a tasty bedtime snack, and therefore eliminate the cries of "I'm hungry" coming from the bedroom late at night.
2. Pick them - If the girl is just "one of the boys," the boys won't feel the need to date her, therefore eliminating the need to purchase a shotgun and rocking chair for the front porch.
3. Don't pick or eat them - Come to think of it, if the girl wants to get married someday, she had better ignore reasons 1 and 2. Otherwise, she may attract the wrong members of the gene pool.
4. Wipe them on her siblings - There is no better way to regain control of personal space than wiping a big boogey on someone. Nothing says "I don't want you around" quite like slimy green goo on your shirt.
5. Learn the farmer blow - For purely practical purposes, everyone should know how to farmer blow. There are bound to be times when a girl finds herself without a tissue, and needs to get some snot out of her nose. It's either that, or risk getting a nasty sinus infection

I know what you're thinking, only 5 reasons? This list is lame! But realize this, there just aren't that many things that girls should be doing with boogers! Maybe someday I'll make the same list for boys, then I can add in things like collecting, staring at, flicking, etc.

Be sure to check out the other dads over at dad-blogs.com.

As the little one playfully tried to bite through my finger today, I was reminded of one thing… teething sucks. Then I thought of the magic little pill that makes it all easier, Hyland's Teething Tablets.

Once in the child's mouth, the tablet dissolves very quickly. They recommend placing the tablet under the tongue, however if you've tried to look under a baby's tongue, you know how difficult that can be. I've found that simply getting them in the mouth is good enough. The tablet dissolves very quickly.

Hyland's is homeopathic, which from what I understand means that the active ingredients are heavily diluted. There have been claims of adverse side effects, however we have experienced no problems. Hyland's has tried to ease any fears, but then again, that info is coming from the manufacturer, for what that's worth.

Keep in mind, I am definitely not a medical professional, and each child is different, so take my experience with a grain of salt.

Within approximately 5-10 minutes, there is a noticeable shift in mood. The crankiness decreases, and sanity of the parents increases. The tablets seemed to be more useful for the three year old (back when she wasn't three) versus the little one, although the little one is still in the midst of teething.

They work.

Children are dirty. This is not a new discovery, just one I wish I had the solution to. Granted, you could give the child a bath, but that involves moderate effort on the part of the parent. So what to do? How can a parent clean a child with the least amount of effort?

You could teach the child to be catlike. They could lick themselves clean. This approach would work well for small to medium size children. However, as the age of the child increases, and flexibility decreases, this makes cleaning all areas more difficult. Plus, there are some parts of the body, you may not want the child cleaning, otherwise you'll be having 'the talk' a lot sooner than anticipated. So scratch the whole catlike method.

Perhaps you could patent a golf ball washer type device for children. The child is placed in the device, and then as the child is lowered, millions of bristles clean and buff the child. However, such a device may have a few design challenges. The device would have to accommodate for the fact that children grow, and change shape and size.

Finally (and perhaps the best idea ever) is the wipe onesie. Just as the name implies, it is a onsie made entirely of baby wipes. Such a garment uses the baby's natural movement to clean. The flailing arms and scooting on their belly are no longer just wasted motion. Even if the child spits up, you just have to wipe them with their own clothes. Or you could put the child on the floor and let him or her go to town. Check back in ten minutes and the child will be spotless (the same may not be said of your carpet).

Maybe I should just stick to giving baths.

I would like to thank the little one for inspiring such thoughts. Without her little fat rolls constantly collecting goo, I never would have been able to write this post.

Have you seen this baby?

She is on the loose roaming the streets with Plagiocephaly. Do not approach, she is considered to have arms and be dangerous! She is a white female with a flat, misshapen head, piercing blue eyes, and a smile that melts hearts (which cannot be seen in the mug shot).

Be warned, her parents have taken action to correct the shape of her head and make her 'normal'. Lucky for them, there was a company (cranial tech) willing to step in and expedite the process. Cranial Tech quickly made a mold of the baby's head in order to see which areas of the head were misshapen. Then, a custom DOC (Dynamic Orthotic Cranioplasty) band was fabricated for this heinous criminal, and yada, yada, yada eight months passed and now her head is nice and round.

• She slept almost exclusively on her back, partly because of the back to sleep campaign, partly because she cried less.
• She had very tight neck muscles (torticollis) and tended to turn her head to one side. As a result, when she was sleeping, she would always lay on that side.
• We, as parents, didn't notice her head getting more flat, until it was too late.

• As described above, a mold of her head was taken, and then she was fitted for a DOC band.
• Every two weeks, we… well mainly my wife and parents so I could keep bringing home the chedda, went to Chicago to get adjustments made to the band. This allowed for the progressive shaping of the head.

Although statistics are a little hard to come by, there are a few things that could happen. The alignment of her ears could have been off, causing balance challenges because of how the inner ear works. Also, as you can see from the mug shot, her eyes were not in line with each other. This could lead to perception issues, as well as minor balance issues.

If you have any questions, let me know in the comments, or the contact page. This is a bit of a simplistic view of a problem that seems to be growing… one which I had no idea about until informed by our doctor.