Make Peace, Not Poop Pants

Submitted by scott

Perhaps it’s genetic, maybe all the kids are doing it, or maybe the squishy warmness of a lumpy loaf of nastiness nestled between her butt cheeks is somehow comforting... who knows. All I know is, it’s just plain gross!

That’s right, Special K likes to poop in her pants. It’s like I’m having deja vu all over again. Three short years ago, a very similar problem struck the Simple house. The symptoms are nearly the same as her sister’s were. She likes to have more ‘alone’ time, and can often be spotted slinking off to her room all by herself. She denies having to go to the bathroom, but the poop stains tell a different story. So what gives?

After doing a series of tests on her, I think I’ve found the answer. The world is going down the toilet, and pooping all over as much of it as she can is her way of bringing the injustices to light. She leaves poo soaked undies strewn about like upside down mortgages... everyone knows they stink, especially the owners. Plus the collateral damage of well placed deuce filled dungaree impacts the entire household, much in the same way that in today’s global economy, choices made in other parts of the world have far reaching impact.

So in conclusion, the only solution I see for the poop pants problem is to make the kid a protest sign and buy her some hand drums. Seems logical to me.

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