Squeak sque-eeak, squeak sque-eeak. Squeak sque-eeak, squeak sque-eeak. The old springs on the trampoline seemed to be playing a waltz as Princess P gracefully bounced up and down, steady as the rhythm of a conductor’s baton. She was a sight to behold. As she ascended, each passing inch drew the corners of her mouth into an even bigger smile, and as she descended, her hair hung suspended, as if forgetting the laws of physics, before eventually being compelled to follow the rest of her body.
In a town much like any other town, in a neighborhood much like those littered throughout the United States, there lived a family. This family had two school aged girls, who on any given day could be found roaming the yard after school, searching for a new adventure. Often the eldest would become the self-proclaimed leader of the quest, with the younger being a loyal companion. However, this was no ordinary day.
A long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, there lived a terrible beast. The creature was tall and sinewy, wielding razor sharp claws. It had the agility of a spider monkey, but the stealth of a drunken rhinoceros. The fiend was blessed with piercing blue eyes and silky hair, no doubt a result of fine breeding… but perhaps the most notable features were its incredibly thick, seemingly impenetrable skull, and constant defensive stance. The creature was the American Inobut (pronounced eye-know-butt).
There comes a day in every child’s life that they must face their fears. For Special K, today is that day.
Several months ago…
The excitement in the air was palpable as Special K suited up in her brand new swimwear. She donned her pink swim cap and reflective goggles, which would surely shave seconds off her time, and she was ready to hop into… the car.
It seems that my worst fears have been realized. I’ve been told that the first step in the healing process is admitting that you have a problem. So I admit to you now, that I’m becoming a Brony.
What, you may ask, is a Brony? Well... if you take a trip through the neckbeard infested nether regions of the internet, you will find out that a Brony is the name given to male fans of the popular animated series know as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, which primarily targets prepubescent girls.
Kids are the ultimate trolls. Unfortunately, I don’t mean the mythical beings rooted in Norse mythology. If that were the case, at least they could be dealt with accordingly, like drawing them out into the sunlight and rendering them harmless. However, they are the type of troll that speaks or acts with the primary intent of provoking an emotional response or otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.
This may seem harsh, but I’m not just talking about my kids... it’s all kids, every last one of them. Here are just a few reasons why:
Perhaps it’s genetic, maybe all the kids are doing it, or maybe the squishy warmness of a lumpy loaf of nastiness nestled between her butt cheeks is somehow comforting... who knows. All I know is, it’s just plain gross!
I enjoy a good plumbing challenge just as much as the next guy. I view it as one of the more finesse areas of home improvement. Much like a woman, you have to be gentle and take care of the pipes, or they can make your life miserable. I also think that after working in the hardware business for around 6 years that I have a clue, albeit a small one, about fixing the minor stuff around the house. Well... I nearly met my match.
As parents, we try to raise our kids the best way we know how, hoping that the end result will be well adjusted children who think critically, and while learning from our vast knowledge of everything under the sun, are able to draw their own conclusions and find their own way.
One of the key areas we nudge our kids one direction or the other is in the area of religion. As Christians raising kids, this often takes the form of reading Bible stories, gathering with other Christians, learning the small life lessons as seen through the lens of Christianity, etc. etc.
Once upon a summer’s eve (not the feminine spray) a young, very young, prince from a distant land came calling. He spoke of wonders and spectacles that existed in his kingdom. The princess was intrigued, and deemed the arduous journey across the fence a more worthy quest than simply traipsing around her kingdom with her sister.
So off she went. At first the prince showed her the wonders of his kingdom. There was a grand observation deck, a beach, and exquisite treats. All was well, until the queen returned home from her daily duties.