Not so long ago there was a little boy, in a little town. This little boy's parents were always encouraging him to travel down a good, moral, Christian path. Often, the boy didn't even fully know what was going on. The parents would pop in a cassette tape with some fun stories and groovy tunes. Before long, he found himself repeating the songs, and memorizing the stories. The stories told of things like being kind to your siblings, and befriending the bully, because maybe he just needs someone who will really listen.
In a faraway land where the bluebird's sing a happy song, and the grass looks like of a blanket of new-fallen snow, there lived a princess. This princess had a pure voice, and even purer heart. However, she would often give herself over to the desires of darkness.
This story happened in the not too distant past, in quadrant four of the rectosigmoid region near the planet Uranus. In this mystical place there lived an evil genius, and his name was Dr. Megacolon. Dr. Megacolon sought not only to cause pain to all those in the rectosigmoid region, but to destroy the surrounding regions as well.
My daughter has a wiener. When I first heard this, it was news to me. I began to question everything. How could God play such a cruel trick on our family? Am I a bad father for dressing her him in girls clothes for nearly four years? Is this how I find out I have a son? How much are the physiatrist bills going to be?
The world of computer programming can teach us many things on how to raise children. This may come as a surprise to many; after all, children don't understand the difference between bits and bytes. Even if you issue the child a simple command like "GOTO ROOM" the child will often resist, and catastrophic parenting failure occurs.
The following steps are guaranteed to pass your legacy of poor sportsmanship on for generations.
Instill in your child the sense that regardless of physical ability, they by nature are simply superior to all other human beings.
This is best accomplished through a series of compliments like "you owned that kid," "he (or she) ain't got nothin' on you," followed up by a "whoooo" and an emphatic hand motion.
Be sure to correct opposing players in a loud, forceful manner, even when a simple discussion will do.
I wish I didn't have to say these words, but I must. Perhaps getting it out in the open will allow the healing to begin. But first, I'll start at the beginning.
It was a day much like any other day, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the little one was screaming. The three year old and I had finished up some work outside, and sauntered back in to eat lunch. It was a near perfect Saturday, and life was good.
Boogers… we all have them, and we all have various ways of dealing with them. Here are the top 5 things that your daughter should do with her boogers:
Children are dirty. This is not a new discovery, just one I wish I had the solution to. Granted, you could give the child a bath, but that involves moderate effort on the part of the parent. So what to do? How can a parent clean a child with the least amount of effort?
There is a monster that prowls around your house, waiting to rear its ugly head. This monster is hungry. What will you choose to feed it? Keep one thing in mind, the monster thrives on negative energy, and with each bit of positive energy that it consumes, it grows weaker.